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  • A Summer Driver's Ed Class

    Dear Drivers of America:

    We'd like to take a moment to escape from the election rhetoric and poop-slinging for a brief summer school remedial driver's ed Top 10 list. Based on our recent highway experiences, these are the things we feel the general public needs to brush up on.

    1. Let's start with the brush, and other personal grooming decisions made behind the wheel. Or better yet, let's not. As in don't do it.

    2. "Pump Up the Jams" is a song. It should not be your approach to the brake pedal. Or the accelerator, for that matter.

    3. "Rubberneckin'" is an Elvis Presley song, not a habit you should get into while driving.

    4. "Speed limit" really should just be retitled "Speed." That way, drivers who get in the left lane and go 15 mph under would know that it is both wrong and stupid, as well as impolite. Same would go for the ones who are in a constant state of auditioning for the White Rabbit in "Alice in Wonderland."

    5. If you must engage in finger pointing, remember that the longest one is not necessarily the right one.

    6. If someone behind the wheel is having trouble and points the longest finger at you, don't shout or point back. Mutter under your breath. Keeps things from escalating.

    7. Remember how your mom told you to stay out of the middle of the street? Or those days when she felt like telling you to go play in traffic? Because it's summer, be aware that other neighborhood parents are likely telling their kids one, the other, or both on a frequent basis. Approach your neighborhood accordingly.

    8. Stop (sign or light) means Stop. It does not mean pull out your phone and compose a lengthy email or text to your first cousin twice removed.

    9. Speaking of texting (note the irony in that phrase), don't do it. It can wait. Really it can.

    10. Leave the stupid at home. Please. The universe thanks you.

    Bonus from a Facebook friend: All cars made in the last 50 years have turn signals. Use them.